Baby baths

IMG_3736 There is, actually, one good thing about going back to work. The weekends. They are so. sweet. I wake up and am so very very happy to have a full day with my baby. I struggled with a lot of guilt while I was on maternity leave. I knew I didn’t have long; I knew that I was a lucky woman to have three months, and I knew that the end was soon approaching. So each day was laden with such immense pressure to soak it all in! And for the most part, yes, I did. I really truly enjoyed just being with my sweetie pie. But I also felt guilty. I watched TV during the day, and I didn’t go on nearly enough walks. Because how could I really soak it all in, all the time? For me, that was impossible. I needed some zone out time, but I always felt guilty for taking it.

It’s a bit different now. I still watch TV sometimes, but I am also so much more zoned in with I’m with my baby. When I finally get to pick him up from daycare, I could just cry because I missed him so much. His smile, and his soft skin… they fill me up.

We took a bath together, baby and I, last night. We’ve done this many times before but this time was different. He lay his head down on my breast and fed. He relaxed in the warm water and I just held him. No computer, no phone, no TV. Just me and him. I would even venture to say that it actually made the going back worth it. Even just the smallest bit.babybath


Ignorance is not bliss

As if God heard our prayers, and decided “today, I’ll give them mercy”, we are–miraculously–still pregnant. My doctor, who is fully trained in high-risk and endometriosis pregnancies, told me that she had no idea why I was bleeding. And she had no answer. She did all the tests she could, and could see no reason why it was happening. Call me crazy, but when science can’t explain why there is still a baby in my belly, I call it a miracle.

I have a friend who got married about 2 months before me and got pregnant immediately. And I remember thinking, damn. That must be REALLY hard– being a newlywed AND being pregnant– I’m so glad we’re waiting. But the funny thing is that now I think it is such a huge blessing. That we got pregnant after 3 months. There is this side of my husband that I had only glimpsed before we were pregnant. A side that is extremely and inexplicable giving and generous and selfless. At the risk of sounding like a brat, he does everything for me. He brings me juice in the morning, and my medicines at night. He makes the bed and does the dishes and cooks me dinner. I’m feeling better now, but for a while there I couldn’t do anything, other than go to work and sleep. And you know what? Despite how I totally doubted him, he picked up the slack. Times a million. And it makes me love him so very much. It makes me feel his love all day, everyday. Amazing how pregnancy really does bring a couple so much closer. Someone kick me in the shins, I keep forgetting God has a plan.

Allergic to… estrogen?

Did you know that hormones effect allergies? At work one day, I was discussing my allergies- which are quite severe- with my boss. Which led to her bringing up the fact that pregnancy makes them worse (its an all female office…). For the past two weeks, I have been suffering with crazy crappy allergies. The kind that make you sound like a dog, because you’re constantly trying to clear your nose. Sniff. Sniff.

Last night was the worst. I could barely SWALLOW, ya’ll. My whole face was one big puff ball, and I could not breathe out of my nose even a tiny bit. I broke down… weeping… out of frustration and exhaustion. Welp, this morning I looked at my chart, and low and behold, I am about to ovulate. Which means… my hormones are getting really high– estrogen especially! Who knew… but this often means that allergies will get worse! (source)

This is what I love about the Creighton Method. I know what is happening in my body. I am beginning to understand those implications. Does anyone else suffer from crazy allergies around their ovulation?

A Honeymoon while Ovulating

I’ve thought about starting this blog for a while. But a blog about fertility and sex and married life? Sounds pretty scary to do so much soul-bearing on the internet. But then again… I’ve got a lot to say.

I’ve been dreaming about my wedding night and subsequent honeymoon since I was in middle school. If I’m honest, probably before that. So what happens when honeymoon falls on your first day of fertility? I’ve waited (patiently, I might add) to have sex for 23 years. Am I honestly expected to wait on my wedding night? On my HONEYMOON?

In my opinion, a honeymoon is for two things: relaxation and sex. The closer the wedding gets, the more I begin to understand why this time-honored tradition was created. Weddings are freaking stressful! There is an immense amount of planning, prepping and partying. Seriously– there are like 6 parties before the big day. So by the time it is all over, you need a break. You need to do some deep breathing and re-claim your pre-wedding self… the one who wasn’t always on her computer researching flowers, cake and lace. You miss that girl, don’t you?! I know I do. And your sweetie probably misses her just as much. So a honeymoon is a time when you get to remember what it is like to be relaxed… and to get to know your new husband in an undivided kind of way. Sounds magical.

The other reason for a honeymoon is quite universally clear: sex. Whether you’ve been having it since you were 16 or you have never had it at all… the honeymoon is a time to get to know your spouse’s body. Sex is in the top 3 reasons for divorce (up there with money and in-laws). So, from my understanding, it is a really important part of the marriage. A honeymoon is a time when you get to escape from the world, guilt-free, and get jiggy with your best friend as many times as you like.

Here is the issue: my fiancee and I aren’t ready to have a baby… yet. We want to wait, say, 3 years. We’re young! To me, it seems that to forego sex on a honeymoon is a disrespectful and twisted way to start a marriage. To my soon-to-be husband,he thinks that having sex while ovulating is asking for a baby… which we aren’t asking for just yet. Is it imprudent to have sex when you aren’t ready (even if it is on your honeymoon)? Is it disrespectful and irreverent to not have sex on a honeymoon? Right now, I don’t know. What do you think?