There is, actually, one good thing about going back to work. The weekends. They are so. sweet. I wake up and am so very very happy to have a full day with my baby. I struggled with a lot of guilt while I was on maternity leave. I knew I didn’t have long; I knew that I was a lucky woman to have three months, and I knew that the end was soon approaching. So each day was laden with such immense pressure to soak it all in! And for the most part, yes, I did. I really truly enjoyed just being with my sweetie pie. But I also felt guilty. I watched TV during the day, and I didn’t go on nearly enough walks. Because how could I really soak it all in, all the time? For me, that was impossible. I needed some zone out time, but I always felt guilty for taking it.
It’s a bit different now. I still watch TV sometimes, but I am also so much more zoned in with I’m with my baby. When I finally get to pick him up from daycare, I could just cry because I missed him so much. His smile, and his soft skin… they fill me up.
We took a bath together, baby and I, last night. We’ve done this many times before but this time was different. He lay his head down on my breast and fed. He relaxed in the warm water and I just held him. No computer, no phone, no TV. Just me and him. I would even venture to say that it actually made the going back worth it. Even just the smallest bit.