Leaving my baby

Today is my last day of maternity leave. I would do anything for another week, another day. It seems so unfair. Right when we got in a good groove, that’s when it have to go and change it all up again. I’m finally at a point where I know my baby well- I know why he is crying and I know how to solve it. There isn’t any terrible screaming that I don’t know how to stop¬†anymore. He is just getting cuter and cuter… Smiling all the time… And I have to leave him. How will I do it? I don’t want to do it.

can't we just stay here, snuggled in bed?

can’t we just stay here, snuggled in bed?

It makes it all the more terrible that I’m going back into a horrid work environment. The LAST thing I want to do is learn an entirely new job that I never signed up for. How can they hire me to be a bookkeeper and then 2 years in decide to just completely change my job to volunteer coordinator?! It’s a bully tactic, and to be honest, it’s working.

Guys, I need prayers. Lots and lots of prayers. For a better job, a better situation. For a strong heart and supernatural energy. Pray with me?

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Modern feminism

There are some hardships of motherhood that can not be helped. Sleep deprivation, for example. But there are other times that being a mother doesn’t have to be hard… Until someone decides to make it that way.

I met with my boss to discuss the end of my maternity leave and what it would look like for me to return next week. Boy oh boy, I had NO IDEA what I was in for during this meeting. The first thing she said was that she needed me to be at my desk from 8:30- 5 with a break for lunch at lunch time. Basically, she doesn’t want me to take breaks to pump or nurse. When I tried explaining, she even said, “I don’t understand what you mean when you say you have to nurse.” SERIOUSLY?!?! You don’t know what will happen?!? Let me tell you: I will leak milk all over the place, will be in enormous amounts of pain until I properly release myself and I will get mastitis. After that, she proceeded to tell me that she has completely changed my job and given my office to the intern. I’m completely serious. I, meanwhile, will be sharing a conference room which also doubles as a hallway. Nifty, right?! It is clear to me that she is trying to force me to quit so that she doesn’t have to accommodate a working mother. Never mind that she was a working mother herself 30 years ago! #IRLbully

All this bullcrap has made me really understand that women’s rights are NOT a given and they definitely still need to be fought for. We still need feminism, people. Even in 2014. And even when your boss is a woman. Even if there were laws to protect women against this, most women could be walked all over anyways because who can afford legal representation? And who can afford to really lose their job. WHAT IF YOU LIKED YOUR JOB?!?! At this point, I’m not even going to fight it— I’m just going to find another job. In the meantime I’ll be taking a pay cut and becoming an hourly worker so that I can continue to breastfeed my baby.

What didn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? Maybe one day I will get the chance to fight for women’s rights and protect other women who are being abused like this. I sure hope so.

Hi, Sprout!!

Baby Sprout is here! He arrived July 12– 8 days AFTER my due date– at a whopping 9 lbs 5 oz. I’ve been writing our birth story and I will post that soon… It’s been really hard to get through, though. It was definitely traumatic for me, both emotionally and physically.

welcome, sweetie!

welcome, sweetie!

So here we go again, on this NFP journey. They say that for the first 56 days post-partum, if you exclusively breastfeed, you are infertile. Well, we are coming to the end of that little grace period and I have to say… I’m terrified. I’m terrified that I will get pregnant again immediately. Just coming off being pregnant, and after such a hard pregnancy and delivery, I am very much NOT ready. So we will be extremely careful– as careful as possible– but the whole point with NFP is that we are trusting God’s will for our family. We know from first hand experience that if we are meant to be pregnant, we will be pregnant. Like I said… Terrifying.

There is one great comfort to me, though, and that is our little love, Thaddeus. He is the living proof that God’s plan is good. He is living proof that God’s plan is more beautiful and wonderful than I could ever imagine. So even though it is the hardest thing, here we go again, trusting God’s plan.