oops… we’re pregnant!

At the end of September, I had the first of two surgeries for my endometriosis. It wasn’t anything major– just a laproscopic exploratory surgery to confirm and map out the disease. Welp, my body didn’t think this was so trivial. In fact, it went full on nuts and decided to have a totally wacky cycle. I thought I ovulated super early, while having menses, but then I wasn’t sure, and then I thought that I was double peaking. So… sex was hard to come by. We were constantly nervous if I was ovulating without presenting the right signs, etc. And then ONE day, ONE time I had 10K (Clear, stretchy). The next day, I was dry. And here is the other thing… my second surgery was fast approaching, after which we wouldn’t be able to have sex for SIX WEEKS. no bueno. So that dry day… we took a chance. We didn’t realize we should have been “counting three“, because I had never encountered this experience of one solo day of peak-type mucus. (This would have been super easy to check… by flipping my chart over and looking up what to do….but again, we were very aware that we were about to have no sex for six weeks.) So we blissfully ignored the signs (somewhat) and did our thing.

Shortly after, I started worrying. So I took a picture of my chart to my Creighton practitioner and got and email back asking, “Did you intend to use a day of fertility?” OOPS. No- we didn’t. Anyway, I still kept trying to tell myself that I wasn’t pregnant. But I knew. I took a pregnancy test the Monday before surgery (which was on Friday) and it was… NEGATIVE! We did a quick high-five and went out a got and beer.

Friday rolled around– after weeks of preparing at work to take OFF for 2 weeks to recover– and I was more worried than before. I didn’t really believe the pregnancy test anymore and my boobs were getting bigger. I still hadn’t missed a period (this was all within a month) but I just knew. I told my nurse that I thought I was pregnant as she was taking my blood. Right before they were going to knock me out, Ford came back to give me a quick kiss. That’s when the nurse walked in with my blood tests. “I’m pregnant, aren’t I?” “Yup.”

So… we’re pregnant. We are terrified, scared, and I have to admit, angry. At ourselves, at the world, at fate, at Creighton. I am honestly in disbelief that this actually happened, considering the odds. But I have to accept that this is the way our lives were planned to be. So with that I find a little comfort. I’ve been praying for peace and for a softening of heart. Pray with me?

Getting creative

When Ford and I FIRST got married (I’m talking first 5 days, here), we were fertile, and therefore spent our wedding night being…creative. I was sincerely sad; I had looked forward to that night since I was about seven years old. Weird, maybe. But totally true. I was thankful that I had planned on that happening (I had an inkling that’s how things would pan out). But it still stung. And I spent the morning of my wedding sobbing to my older sister.

I had a friend tell me, “Just so you know: things get pretty crazy there toward the end (we had sooo many things just totally go wrong) and you might feel like someone is doing it intentionally. It is on purpose! I really think that the devil hates marriage and married couples, so he’ll try to get you two to lose your cool. Just hang tight and keep praying and hold onto each other.” That was the absolute best advice I ever received. Because when we became fertile the DAY OF the wedding, it definitely felt intentional. It felt like an attack or a curse.

Things can be really hard with Creighton. But the good that comes from being totally honest with my husband, from being disappointed and excited together, from feeling confidant that (in this little slice of our life) we are absolutely doing God’s will…. that definitely outweighs the hard.

And when it came time for our vows?

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Nothing else mattered.

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